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Monday Funnies

oly29

uber Member
#1
THE JENNY CRAIG DIET FOR MEN​

I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss.



The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but skimpy outfit and a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'



Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.



The same girl shows up for the next four days and the samething happens.



On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to findI lost 10 lbs. As promised.I called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.



The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, athletic woman I have ever seen in my life.She is wearing nothing but a skimpy outfit and a pair of Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.



Well, I'm out the door after her like a shot.This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I'm gradually getting in better and better shape.Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. As promised.



So I decide to go for broke and called the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on. "This is our most rigorous program."



"Absolutely," I reply, "I haven't felt this good in years."



The next day there's a knock at the door; and when I open it find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but Speedo shorts and pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you're mine."



I lost 63 pounds that week.
 

Gullwing

1911 pistolsmith
Staff member
Moderator
#2
Day two of the ten pound week I am wearing roller blades.
Day two of the fifty pound week I am not opening the door.